Its 1st of December.. At 10a.m.; an e-mail was delivered to my inbox from the canteen dept. “Monthly menu”- the subject head read. My immediate action was to click on the trash button which straight away dumped my unread mail in the trash bin. This action was not unique to me alone.. At least ten others in my office would have done the same.. And another ten would have just opened the mail and then trashed it.. Nobody usually expects anything unusual in the menu. But just incase, some fresher bumps into you with a humble intension to make a conversation and brings up the topic of breakfast menu:
“Hey ! You know what’s for breakfast for this month?”
The poor fellow is bound to get an equivalent reaction: “Aiyya…!! Looks like you have not had enough of a bath in the canteen..!!”
The oldies all know the menu by-heart. So what’s in a bath?? Read on…
- Tuesday: green- bath (Methi bath)
- Wednesday: red- bath (Vaangi bath)
- Thursday: Deadly-oil bath (Darshini Pulav)
- Friday: mixed colour- bath (Chow-Chow bath)
- Saturday: brown- bath (bisi-bele bath)
- Sunday: yellow- bath (rice bath)
If I missed out on Monday in the list: that’s the 1st working day of the week; so the company tries to give us some motivation / morale boost up. That’s the “Have no Bath”-day. It’s the only day when Idly-Vada-Sambar-Chutney is served.
Now: How do the employees identify what’s fir breakfast without actually entering the canteen or reading the menu? It comes with experience. Just a month’s time is enough..!!
Well, a Monday’s menu barely changes; so you know what is there: you go or don’t go depends on how bored or excited you are to get away with the Monday morning blues..!!
And the other days.. Usually standing at a distance and a small peep into someone’s plate is enough. By the colour you know what it is.. and then, do an about turn and walk towards office.!!
But, a special mention needs to be made about Wednesdays.. The day being the mid-week and you would already have lost the motivation to work; the day greets you by serving a deadly bath on your platter. This is the original “Darshini Pulav”. I prefer to call it the deadly bath. It’s because you don’t need to walk till the canteen door on that day. The strong smell of fried bread cubes doused in dalda oil and mixed with a weird coloured deadly preparation hits your nostrils instantly at the time you alight at the bus bay. So, you directly walk away to your office without wanting to even get closer to the source of smell.
Friday’s are special because not one, but two baths are given on a single platter. Chow-Chow-bath: as the name suggests it is a combo of Rava bath and Kesari bath…!!
Oh.. Are you wondering why we even go near the canteen door every morning huh? It’s just out of curiosity and nothing else.. The curiosity to know how a bath can be had in different forms and in different colours- and every time taste the same even with different names..!! For example: Vegetable bath, green peas bath were served a couple of times instead of the deadly oil bath… This was just a colour variant: the smell and taste is forever the same..!
Occasionally, Pongal, lemon rice, puliyogare, khara bath, tomato bath are served too.. but considering these are still different colour forms of the same rice dish: it is an array of Bath-o-baat..!! And it is highly impossible for a normal person to eat rice 3 times a day; seven days a week..!! I agree that we are South Indians who usually are associated with these baths, but nowhere in the peninsular India, would you find a Southie eat so much rice a day.. We have other better forms: dosa, poori, chapathi, akki-rotti, ragi-rotti, jola rotti, puttu, appam etc etc… Why the hell on earth are we forced to have this bath every morning..!!
This is a serious allegation coming from a deeply disturbed rice hater who has stopped taking a bath just because of the traumatising “bath-o-phobia”..!! No.. no.. This is not the “Ablutophobia”..!! Time the management does something about this one..!! I’m skipping my breakfast every day and my girth size is increasing rapidly owing to frequent starvation..!!